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| I hate goodbyes. So i will just say, see you next time toronto, you have been really great to me. See you all again to all who made toronto great for me, you have all been exceptional in your own way. I am sorry i didn't get to say all my fairwells in person, therer just weren't enough hours in the day. I will miss you all. I am here in Calgary now, and starting the next chapter, or maybe even the next book section of my life. I hope it's written as well as the last chapter was, it was my favourite so far. | | |
| I'm fixed.
I only realized last week how broken i was. My father left when I was 18, it shattered my world. It was the event that has changed me and my life the most. I am very similar to my father and always have been. I was really proud of it when i first started to notice it when i was younger, but recently it has terrified me.
My dad was my hero, he was the type of father that everyone should have. He was a great man in all the ways greatness should be measured. He was loving and giving, strong and courageous, approachable and loving, honest and upright, just a great man. Then he left, and my world fell apart and stopped making sence. People like my father don't do things like walk out on a marrige and don't leave their families. I did everything i could to heal and move on. I grew stronger and looked after the family when he left. I leaned on God and tried to move past this and grow from it and use it to become stronger and better, to be tempered in the fire and come out something better than that which went in.
I believe i accomplished what i had hoped for, and that i did grow, and did become a stronger better person, but i didn't see the open and gapping wound that wasn't healing, or going away. I would see glimpses of it in places, like when i was contimplating marrige, or when i would see a father son moment, and i would be burried in a sea of fresh pain and it would hurt fresh again. I lived through that for 6 years.
Last week i finally sat down with dad and confronted my fears and my wounds, i finally found out what happened to my parents and i finally learned the "why" to all my questions i had benn asking sice he first walked out the door. It was the single greatest moment of healing i have ever had (i converted to christianty when i was about 4 so it doesn't really count, but still does win in overall long healing). I am finally fixed.
I watched a really sad father/son moment, something that last week i would have wept for a long time over, sinking again into the depths of my own resivior of pain, but tonight it only brought a tear to my eye, as i felt for the charaters on screen, but free of my own pain. I am finally fixed
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| I'm sad and i don't fully know why please pray | | |
| Stardust is currently being shot as a movie. This makes me very happy.
If you haven't read/ seen anything * edit * Neil Gaiman has done yet, leave what ever you are doing right now, find something he has written, and read/watch it. You will be a better person if you do. Okay maybe that is a bit extreem, but you will probably enjoy it. | | |
| People need help when they need help, not when you want to help them.
These words were spoken by one of the most gentlemenly men i work around, when talking about why he works between 13-16 hours 5 or 6 days a week. I was floored by such a humble and kind responce.
I am trying to find all the beauty life has to offer, and i never expected to see it in humility and kindness from a man who is probably toronto's most expensive lawyer and a defender of some of the worst people our city holds. | | |
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